Here’s a painting I did in college. It’s called The Monkey Lisa. I owe a lot of money in student loans.
NEWS! I’ve launched a Patreon page! Patreon is a new site that allows for ongoing crowd-funding. I’ll be writing comedy blog posts as seeds for all the other comedy stuff I do. Rewards and goals include Squirrel Stand-Up, a new comedy album, a serialized CYOA type story, and learning about your own secret superhero identity. Thank you, friends and fans, for all your time, interest, and support!
Find out which of these #SuperBowlImprovements gets to do an end zone dance on tonight’s new @midnight!
I’m happy to be on this list. I will not celebrate by dancing. I don’t want to endanger the people around me.
Which of these #WorseRealityShows will receive a rose? Watch tonight’s new @midnight to find out!
I twooted my way on to a list of tweets. Thanks, midnight!
Do you like things that are ALMOST violent but not really? Comedian and charming human Tom Reed does! The new episode of my comedy podcast OBSESSED features Tom’s obsessions with Nerf Blasters and Competitive Speech. Be sure to listen all the way to the end for a nice little Nerf Easter Egg. Episodes coming out soon include obsessions with Sex Workers and Richard Nixon! Hawt!
"You don’t need a gun and a whip to pick up two pieces of pottery."
The latest episode of my comedy podcast OBSESSED features an in-depth conversation about Tim Wick’s obsession with the film Raiders of the Lost Ark. NOT INDIANA JONES—RAIDERS OF THE LOST ARK.
It’s like nothing you’ve ever put in your ear-holes before!
This is a Robin action figure I played with a lot as a very young child. There is nothing that is not disturbing about it and I don’t know why I’m as mentally healthy as I am.
Here it is! The ACTUAL Super-Classic and Super-Famous movie we’re riffing.
One of the most beloved movies of all time is about to get the RiffTrax treatment. Our MP3 riff on the super-famous 1939 classic THE WIZARD OF OZ arrives Friday, January 17th! That’s less than a week from today.
I look forward to enjoying the flying monkey terror.
D A Y 1 0 9 8
There are literally hundreds of YouTube clips of Keely Smith being nothing short of absolutely fucking brilliant.
So, this is only one. But it’s the most fitting example for my purposes.
Every time I watch this particular clip, I regret that these two couldn’t make it work. She’s the perfect foil & “straight man” to her then husband Louis Prima. And look at them! You couldn’t ask for a more entertaining stage act, full of energy & spontaneity.
(For the record, the divorce was mostly because of Prima treating her like shit & flirting with other women, as well as the fact that he was twice her age.)
You look at them here - four years into their marriage & four years before their breakup - & it’s like the most perfect pairing ever. Which just proves you can’t judge a book, I guess.
That’s not the point of this regret though.
Just watch Keely Smith here (or in ANY of her early TV appearances). She’s gorgeous to me. The perfect mixture of quirkiness, talent & fearlessness. But in the climate of the time (or even now), she probably looked a little odd.
A Plain Jane.
Hardly ingenue material.
As a boorish booking agent once said about her, “A pretty face for radio.”
I’m not gonna be able to formulate the right words here, but I’ll try.
Playing off the Keely Smith model, I’ve met a TON of women out there who fit one or all of the following descriptions:
• Socially uneasy
• Overly opinionated
And I regret that most of the women I know who fit these descriptions have been with guys who make them feel worse about themselves BECAUSE of these traits, rather than building them up & helping them feel better about themselves.
Where am I going with this?
GUYS - Don’t be Louis Prima in this scenario. Being with somebody isn’t about being exactly the same or beating the other person down because they don’t like what YOU like. Be an adult. But mostly, be a supporter.
GALS - There’s enough bullshit out there pulling you down. Don’t let your significant other pull you down even more. Be Keely Smith. Embrace your quirky nature. And don’t waste your time with somebody who doesn’t.
P.S. This goes for any awkward, Keely Smith guys out there as well.
My friend Sam says nice things I agree with about an old singer and assholes.